“Who’s the dumbest student in class?”
My teacher raised this question, in a second standard class room on a gloomy evening. I don’t know what her intention was, but I’m pretty sure the whole class pointed towards a girl in white shirt and navy skirt, and monotonically said, ” She is .”
Well, I remember people calling me dumb. Surely I admit now that, I was .
For me, life was always confusing.
The one major reason for this is because that I come from a dysfunctional family. My parents were having their own fights while I was growing up as a child. I had no friends. I was never able to start a conversation with someone and was poor in academics for obvious reasons.
My childhood bend me till I broke. I never framed my behavior because whenever I looked at myself, I was looking at shattered pieces of my image. I failed to develop self esteem. I was in pain and cried in vain. This fumes of rejections, embarrassments and rebukes burned inside me and it exploded into anger.
But I was never happy. I ended up hurting myself all the time. I thought impressing people might help me and I became too servile. Never learned to say ‘NO’ and never learned to smile genuinely.
Later I figured out, I have maladaptive behavior or a serious condition of involuntary daydreaming. This was my defensive mechanism to elope from day-to-day life, so that I can be happy in my own world. I was constantly dreaming about a world in which I am not crucified. I dreamed of success as everyone else does it, though mine was a psychological condition to do so.
But the good part of this was that my dreams began to grow gigantically and its roots penetrated deep into my mind. They echoed I will win. For some reasons, I believed I will win. Sooner or later I realized I’m on my way to winning.
But the journey was not easy. I have realized many things on this short speck of time. I realized the only person who can save me is myself since no one else care. I stopped impressing people and started to love myself. I have realized self-love and self-care go hand in hand. I took a oath to nurture myself, both internally and externally. I began to seek my inner self, to fill the void I was carrying the whole time. I began reading all those self-motivating books to heal my wounds. It helped. I became more assertive. The self affirmations gave me power. I started to write down things which were loud in my head. I began to travel more. I began to repair in myself than to see the fault in others. I began to see happiness. It came to seek me! I felt ecstasy, which I swear I only felt once, inside the womb of my mother.
Let me specify once more, the journey was not easy. It taught me many things on the way. I was not courageous, fear haunted me all the way. I was scared of the cliche thought, ” What will people think?”
Then I learned, people never think of others, they make opinions about others according to their conveniences. And who cares about opinions since everybody talk some random sh*t.
I have learned many harsh truths like these. These lessons hit me at different times, from different persons and I still bear those scars of memory proudly. It reminds myself that I possess a valiant soul.
There were people and circumstances which sowed negativity on my path. I thank them because I learned to tackle negativity. Some days I lose hope and curse my past. But somehow the universe conspires me to go ahead and show the world that, ” I have got some guts”. It maybe any person, a quote, a book, a movie or a song that catches my attention or do they attract me? Anyhow they inspires me to outgrew my cocoon of shyness and fear. So, I can finally metamorphose myself into a beautiful butterfly.
The universe overhear your thoughts and guides you to achieve it. I’m an insignificant creature with a curious soul, if I could fill the gap in universe with my thoughts and actions, then it will work for everyone.
Because I figured out, for the universe to conspire you, you should conspire the universe first. YOU, should ask the universe what you seek. Ask for your dreams to come true. Just jot it down in your diary. It’s like ordering a product online, once you purchase the item, you know that you will get it on your house door. Why? Because you believe it.
Ask the universe for anything you need and BELIEVE that you will get it. BELIEVE is a strong word, when it stings you, you won’t believe the miracles happening to you.
I never wrote my story. I believed I could . See for yourself know, my journey from the dumbest student to an author.
As always, thanks for reading.